i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
