The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize