I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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