I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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