Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
