last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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