So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize