I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
