Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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