yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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