there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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