I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
