Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize