2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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