And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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