my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
