just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
