I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
