16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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