32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
