I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
