Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
