Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
