Farmville is her only friend.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
