so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
