i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
