I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
