My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
