this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
