fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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