Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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