Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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