for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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