His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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