Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
