I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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