Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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