It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
