I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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