You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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