I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
