You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
foreskin is a definite game changer
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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