I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
