good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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