I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
