did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
