i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
