I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
