Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize