Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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