I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
