Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
