so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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