It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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