Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
