every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
