just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
