I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
