He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
