So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
as a side note pls kill me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
