Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
