plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize