Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
