I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
