he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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