how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize